Okay, so for this Burning Truth....I'm going to tell you a little bit of a personal story. This quote really hit a soft spot for me...The story might be a little hard to understand...but here it is:
When I was a little girl I had this little routine that I did every night. I'd get into my pajamas, brush my teeth, pick out my clothes for the next day, pray, then check under my bed for any monsters that could've been possibly hiding out, ready to come get me. But that seems to be just a little kid to thing to do though isn't it? Anyways, I continued doing that for years until I was about 7. Thats when things began to get real. Reality was setting in. I was running into the mean kids in elementry school, I was starting to feel bad about myself, realizing that there were other monsters, real monsters not just the ones that used to hide under my bed...real ones.
I didn't let that phase me though. I continued to grow older, trying to manage each day dealing with those monters, trying to find a place to fit in with all of them. Then I reached middle school...it started out passing by in a blur then things began to change again. All those monsters around me were begining to take a different effect...I was beginning to turn into one of those monsters. I was changing into one of those terrible creatures I most dreaded. The rest of middle school passed...and I had become a completely new person. Then I began highschool. (this is probably where the story gets better.)
I had made it halfway through my Freshman year...barely. I couldn't handle the stress, I was being pushed around, I had lost so many friends, I turned into a monster. I was not the same Kate I once was. I didn't care anymore, I pushed people away, family, friends... I began to not sleep...or if I did I would have nightmares. This quote brought back the memory of one of those nightmares:
I had been trying to fall asleep that night...but I just couldn't. I would close my eyes but they would open again and I'd lay there just staring at the dark shadows on my ceiling. I remember laying there just thinking that I was useless. I was nothing. I didn't care about anything that I used to. There was nothing important to me. I didn't have to be nice to anyone. No one deserved me to be nice to them...as I was thinking those things, I dozed off.
I remember feeling hands grasping mine, arms wrapping around my body, pulling me down through my mattress. I remember fighting, trying to get away. The monsters under my bed were pulling me down, wanting me to join them, because I was one of them. I gasped for air, I couldn't see, I couldn't breathe, all I could feel was pain. But somehow I pulled away or I was let go and there I stood infront of a mirror looking at a reflection. It was me....but it wasn't. She was ugly, she had scars, the word perfect etched into her arm, dark make up surrounding her eyes....She was the monster I had become...I was looking at myself and what I now was.
I then woke up, shaking and sobbing. I wrapped my blankets tight around myself and checked underneith my bed the way I used to. There were no monsters. It was just me. I was the only monster in that room. I sat there and said a small prayer just like I did when I was younger and I cried until I had to go to school the next morning. Ever since then, things changed. Yeah, I'll admit things are hard from time to time...there are still scars...but to me it's a reminder that I fought back against that monster that formed inside of me.
To this day...I don't check underneith my bed for monsters anymore, I check inside myself. I make sure I know who I am. Kate. Not that scary version of me staring back in the mirror like in my nightmare...
I am Kate.
There are no monsters under my bed.
and I am a fighter against all monsters.
So listen here readers, those monsters aren't under your bed. They're in you. You just have to realize it. And if you're strong enough, which I know you all are, you can fight back like I did.
We stopped checking for monsters under our beds
When we realized they were inside us.
Your theme for this week:
Find those monsters.
Fight those monsters.
Know that they're not under your bed
but inside you.
You have your mission.
Fight. Those. Monsters.
-Kate<3
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